God is so good.
I mentioned in this post a bit about what God has been doing in me these past few months. (OK, I more than mentioned it.) The irony is that literally the day after I posted that, I went into this period of deep homesickness (mixed with other not-so-fun emotions) that could probably be called the ultimate low point of my time here. I knew this was coming sometime- everything anyone tells you about culture shock always includes you having a time around the middle of your stay where your happiness level is pretty much below zero- but having it hit so suddenly was a bit unnerving. I'll just say here and now that once again, I am so thankful to have the Lord in my life, because I don't know how I would have dealt with that alone.
Overall, one of the main things that I've been learning is how daily life with God looks. And there's this one word that keeps coming to mind: discipline.
This is not a fun thing for me, to be honest. I've never been good with discipline. I'm very experienced in procrastination, and justifying my own reasons for putting things off. This has often included my quiet times with God- I put it off or I do it so quickly because I feel like I can do it right after this TV show, or right after checking my Facebook, or even just after I finish this homework assignment. After all, doesn't God want me to enjoy life? Doesn't he want me to stay in touch with people I love? Doesn't he want my to have good prospects for a happy future?
Well, yes, he wants me to enjoy life. Yes, I believe he does want to surround me with people who I can love and support and get the same in return. Yes, he has great plans for a wonderful future for me. But if that's all apart from Him, if that enjoyable life is not found to be enjoyable because of Him, if that want for friends is not rooted from a desire to be a living witness, if that future is from my own plans and not from His dreams... it amounts to nothing. I've heard the phrase "He is jealous for me" many times before, but I never grasped what it meant until now. He is jealous for me. He wants me all to himself! His ideas of a promising future are completely different from what I had in mind, and they are much more dangerous and thrilling and beautiful. One of the things he gave me in a prayer time recently was a reminder that He knows how to love his children well. I need to learn how to let him. And I think I am learning... though I have a long way to go.
Basically, what I've been trying to say is that for the first time, I'm making a point to set apart time every single day, to pray, to read my Bible, to just spend time with the Lord. I've never been good with discipline- but I'm improving. It may sound boring and mundane, but let me tell you that the last couple of weeks have been some of the most grace-filled and wonderful that I have experienced in all of my life. Literally. I feel like the Lord is everywhere- I've been seeing him working in insane ways, not in my life alone, but in many of my friend's lives, in stories I've heard both here and back home. It's the most humbling feeling to know that I serve a God like that! A God who is SO big and SO powerful, and completely in control- who gives us a future and a hope that we cannot know apart from Him.
And the most exciting thing about all of this?
This isn't arrival. There's so much more to come.
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